Dear Steve and Shirley,
I'm dating a 29-year-old mama's boy. We’ve dated off and on for a few years, so I’m really cool with his mom. I decided to date him again even though I know his mom is a huge part of his daily life. His father died when he was a teenager, so he feels responsible for his mother. That’s the part I love about him. But he needs to realize his mother is only 47, and she can have a man if she wanted one.
Here’s the part I don’t like: he is staying with her temporarily because someone tried to break in one night. They live in his grandmother’s old house, and all of the furniture is from the '80s. The windows are nailed shut, so there’s never any fresh air circulating in there. The drapes are dusty, and so is everything else in the house.
Just walking in there makes me sneeze. The smell is awful too. It’s a mix of dust, old sour carpet, and whatever his mama has fried for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. She’s unhealthy, and her only exercise is going to work and caring for her grown baby boy. She washes his clothes and puts them in his old-smelling closet, so when I’m cuddled up with my boyfriend, he smells like that house. It’s on him and in his clothes.
At this point, I want him to move in with me, but he says he has to show a male presence around the house so his mom will feel safe. His mother expects me to come stay with them on the weekends, and that will never, ever happen. I don’t want to have an asthma attack in that tiny, stankin' house.
I told him he smells, and he said he doesn’t mind it because it reminds him of his childhood, growing up with his granddaddy and grandmother. He certainly does smell like them.
How do I get him out of that house without offending him more than I already have?